Unresolved - Part 5

[kymley]

Unresolved – Part 5

By Kymley 
About: Kevin and Scotty
Rate: PG 
Disclaimer: Not mine. Just messing with the characters if B&S
Summary: Set in the episode Resolved because they still got back together too quickly on the show so I’m filling in the gaps for myself.

A/N - Going to be away until Monday now so this will be the last update for a while

It had been a couple of days since their first meeting with their counsellor and this was the first time that they had decided to sit down together, well at least in the same room, and write in their journals.

Kevin looks through his journal, there is actually more pages filled than he thought there would be. He’s flipping through the pages catching words and lines of his own hand writing.

Why would he do his to me??????

Forgive

I can’t believe it!

Lost

I not sure I can do it?

Why?

I was drinking too much

I’m not sure

Forget

Why can’t I just forgive him?

Blame

It’s my entire fault...

Why?

The last word catches Kevin’s thought; he had seen it a number of times before. The word kept repeating in his head and before he even knew what he was doing he was writing on a new page.

Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?

His head is so close to the page that he barely realizes what he is writing and he doesn’t even notice that Scotty stares at him for a few moments before turning back to writing himself. It’s only after number of pages and even more minutes that he looks at what he has wrote.

He’s shocked; his focus was so deep on the issue that he didn’t even realize. It was at this moment that he knew that he needed to know what happen, whether he liked it or not. Technically he knew why but until it was put into some context he didn’t understand fully. He knew that it was about attention, about feeling needed and wanted but he also didn’t understand why it happened, when it happened or where it happened. He had a reason but he didn’t have the why.

He turned and stared at Scotty, waiting for him to finish, hoping somehow that he never would. The evitable came when Scotty closed his book and rubbed his head, as if the strain of writing was too much for Scotty.

“Scotty... I th...” Kevin is stumbling with his words “I think...I want...I mean...I need to...know” he manages to get the words out eventually. Not very articulate but he managed to say them.

***

The headache threatens to become a migraine but Scotty pushed through it and went to sit opposite his husband, the man he loved more than life itself and tell him about the worse mistake of his entire life.

Even with the headache Scotty knew that he had to tell Kevin the truth now, if he didn’t he doubted that Kevin would ask twice, unlike when he asked him to marry him. It draws a small smile to Scotty’s face thinking about the proposal but when he see Kevin’s reaction to the smile he quickly changes it.

Scotty tries to explain the smile “I was just thinking about the night you proposed to me, the fact that you asked me twice” they exchange a brief smile before straightening their backs and prepared for the talk that was about to occur.

“So...” Scotty starts but he doesn’t know how to tell his husband about what happened with Marcus. He’s starting to sweat from the stress of the situation; does he start with the things that led up to the event, does he go into detail about the act that occurs? He can barely bring himself to think about it – he can’t even call it what it actually was; Sex.

Kevin knows his husband well; all the thoughts that were occurring in his husbands mind. He can tell that Scotty doesn’t even know where to start. So he decides to start it for both of them.

“It was the opening night of the cafe...” Kevin said and waited for Scotty to continue.

“The opening night of the cafe” Scotty said and put himself back into that dreadful day “we had just spoken on the phone” he looks at Kevin and waits until Kevin nods “I hadn’t even noticed him until then”.

The night of the opening

Scotty knew that Kevin wasn’t going to come; he really did believe that they needed it. How were the supposed to get through this if they weren’t even together?

He was distracted and then a young man, a waiter, starts to talk to him, it felt like a lifetime ago since someone had spoken to him, spoke to him and really listen.

“And with that face you should be a reality star” he smiles up at Scotty and Scotty feels himself smiling back at him. He knew that he was flirting with him, there was nothing wrong with that, it was a nice feeling to have. The feeling of being wanted, of being needed, of getting some attention. Even if it was from a guy that could have a decade younger than him, well maybe not that younger but he enjoyed it anyway.

The cafe was a complete success, not one Walker in sight, a Holden had been here earlier but he had told him to leave. The only thing that really needed to be done was the clean up; it was pretty much done anyway, the staff’ work ethics were brilliant and they had most of it done once the plates had been finished so he had let them go as well.

He wanted to be alone; to let the success of the cafe really hit him. He had done it; the excitement had built in him. He didn’t realize that Marcus had hid in the toilets until everyone else was gone.

“I should have been there with you” Kevin said slowly, admitting his fault in the incident.

“Yeah, well... you weren’t...” Scotty said; they both knew it was true and what was going to happen.

“So, let’s have that drink” Marcus said smiling cheekily; he knew that Scotty was in a relationship but he also knew from the conversation earlier that they weren’t happy. He could make Scotty happy; at least for a while and that would make him happy as well.

“Oh, I don’t know” Scotty said but then changed his mind, he deserved to celebrate, he had reached one of his lifelong goals. He deserved it.

“At least I thought I did” Scotty said complete ashamed.

“You did deserve it, you do deserve it, you should be proud, I know I am” Kevin said genuinely.

He got one of the expensive bottles of wine that they saved for special occasion and grabbed two glasses as well.

It all happened so gradually, first the wine was drank and then talking happen. Though for the life of Scotty he couldn’t even remember what they talked about. Then another bottle was drunk. Then when Marcus put hand on Scotty he barely noticed it or didn’t mind it.

When Marcus lends over to kiss Scotty, there was a moment of indecision and then Scotty kissed him back. At least someone wanted me. He knew that was the only thing he was thinking of.

“I always wanted you, Scotty” Kevin says sadly, how Scotty could not know that “even when I couldn’t be with you, I always wanted you”.

“I now that... I really do that” Scotty says shaking, he is fighting back the tears because he knows that they haven’t even got to the worse part of it. The actually act of cheating.

He wants me, Scotty kept thinking over. At some point they made it outside and inside Marcus’s car. Both were intoxicated but Marcus was slightly more stable than Scotty. He only lived a short while away and they were there within minutes. Clothes were already open by the time they were inside. Thankfully none of Marcus’ housemates were home.

Everything was over pretty quickly; Scotty can only remember random parts of the act. The fact that Marcus had a condom, that Marcus had put it on Scotty. The excitement of feeling being needed, the want that rushed through Scotty’s body, the fact that he was having sex. Some grunts and moans. And that was it, it was over.

“You were inside of him” Kevin asked and Scotty nodded “Was... he inside of you?” and he waits until Scotty shakes his head and quietly says “No...”

Kevin thinks that the story is over now, he heard what happened before and during... so that should be finished. Instead Scotty continues with his story.

The very moment that Scotty had an orgasm he knew that he had just made a mistake, not just any kind of mistake but a big mistake; a life altering mistake.

And like that, the cloud of alcohol, excitement and need was removed and he realized he had just ruined everything.

He looked down at Marcus and realized it wasn’t Kevin. What had he just done, he had just had sex with someone other than Kevin. What had he done!

He quickly scrambled off the bed and put on his clothes, it wouldn’t be until later the next day that he would realize he left his chef jacket there. For all he could care, Marcus could burn it. Or keep it, he wasn’t going anywhere near him again.

He ran out of Marcus’ house and jogged down the footpath. The air hit him quickly and with that and all the emotions inside him, he threw up just outside the gate to the house. He looked around quickly, no one was insight, he walked briskly towards the cafe.

The lights were on, he had left them on when he was in hurry to get out of the cafe. He walked guiltily through the cafe and then up to the loft. He called out Kevin’s name when he got inside and sighed in relief when he didn’t hear a response. This just put even more guilt on him.

He got out of his clothes and chucked them in the washing bin, they’ll get washed with everything else but first things first he needed a shower. He put on a shower, as hot as possible without scolded him. He kept washing, over and over again until his skin couldn’t take it anymore. He still felt dirty.

“I still feel dirty” Scotty said honestly, he doubted that he’d ever feel clean again. Though telling Kevin about the cheating had cleaned up some of the dirty he just couldn’t quite get clean.

“Well, you look clean to me” Kevin said trying to lighten the mood. He knew that Scotty was just about holding it together; he was trying to not cry. Kevin however didn’t know what to feel, so much information to process, he just wasn’t sure how to do it.

“I don’t really know what to say” Kevin said honestly “I’m not sure how to feel either”.

Scotty looked at Kevin, his face all confused and he did the only thing that he knew would help Kevin; the thing that Kevin wanted and needed.

“I’ll leave you only for a while” Scotty said and saw Kevin nod “know that I regret it with every bone in my body and that I love you”. He quickly walked over the Kevin and gave him a kiss on the top of the head. He didn’t care if Kevin didn’t want him to touch him, he needed it, they both did. He felt, more than saw, a small smile on Kevin. He walked away from Kevin with that little bit of hope inside of him.

End of Part 5

Comments

[marea67.livejournal.com]

Brilliant! Love this. I hope we don't have to wait too long for the next chapter. :)

[kymley.livejournal.com]

Glad you liked it :)

Having to sit down and read you're latest story :)